March 2008

I’m at an age where I’m beginning to take stock of all the things I still want to do before my life is over. I’m not a fatalist or anything – I really don’t dwell on death, and I certainly don’t think I am ready to die – but when you get to be my age you consider your mortality more often. At least, I know I am. Perhaps this is connected to my mother’s death last year, I don’t really know. But whatever the reason, I’ve been giving lots of thought to the things I would still like to do during my lifetime. There are so many places I want to physically see and things I want to accomplish - and I doubt I’ll ever do half of them…but I’m going to start trying!

At the same time I find that this period in my life finds me spiritually longing as well. My heart yearns to more fully “abide” in God. This is an attribute that I saw clearly in my mother, this ability to simply abide in the presence of God. She peacefully lived her life with both confidence and contentment, regardless of what was happening around her. Her life was not always easy and she had her trials, but she always seemed to manage to be at peace with everything – a quiet presence in the midst of any storm. Mom’s example was a wonderful gift to her children - but I am left now with the puzzle of how to accomplish this “abiding” myself - this ability to let go of my fears and worries, turn them over to God, and be surrounded by Him. Yes - that’s the tricky part.

So here I am celebrating another birthday and thinking about both the spiritual and physical things I have left to do. One of my greatest faults is that I tend to jump from one thing to another rather quickly, not standing in any one place too long. So “abiding” is not something that comes naturally to me! I tend to find a “frantic” journey exhilarating… but I also long for the ability to simply “abide”.

Webster says that to “abide” is ”to continue in a place; sojourne, stay…” and my favorite, “to conform to”. So that is my prayer for the year 2008 – to “conform to” God. It’s very much where I want to be. I know it will be a bumpy road but the destination will be worth the trip.

Until next month,
Barbara